My liver just broke up with me...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
