I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
