You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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