did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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