I feel like abortions should bother me more
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize