I am puke
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
