matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
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