Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
