So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
