Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
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