Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
