I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
