1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
