I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
