Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
