I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
