You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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