i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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