Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
