Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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