youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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