We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
