I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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