I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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