roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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