I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
