that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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