Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
