I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
