Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
