I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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