I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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