I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize