I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
