Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
