You're so nebulous sometimes
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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