hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
