He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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