Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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