She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
