Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
