he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
