Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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