I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
