God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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