Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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