that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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