accomplished twins. life is a go
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
