OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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