He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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