Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
