So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Come on in and take your pants off
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