oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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