Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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