Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
