dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
