I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm passing your future prison.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
