she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i will never coherently bang her
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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