let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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