He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
