More tranny stories later!
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
