Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
