that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize