I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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