shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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