Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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