oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
3pm strippers are depressing
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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